My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
