I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
