I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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