I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
