My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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