I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
