I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
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