So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
