why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
