I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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