the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
