When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
