I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
