i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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