We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
