White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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