At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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