dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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