Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
