I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
