so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
4 words: hood of his car
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
