get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
