and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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