I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
