my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
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As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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