you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
