drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
