Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
