i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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