Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you didnt know i had herpes?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
