I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
