I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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