My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
