1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
