Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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