I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
