I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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