Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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