we have pet lesbian snakes
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
