shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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