Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
