And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All the doctor said was why
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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