K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
