i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
