Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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