Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
