wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
