if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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