Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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