He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
