I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize