With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
