Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
