Little spoons don't ask big questions
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
