All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
