So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we made out on top of his cat.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
