Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
