Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona

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(312): View more from Illinois

spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook

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(205): View more from Alabama

We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.

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(561): View more from Florida

george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(770): View more from Georgia

Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?

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(224): View more from Illinois

Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.

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