I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream