Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
