You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?