first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.