Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table

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(816): View more from Missouri

I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(916): View more from California

In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?

(1-916): View more from California

Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.

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(810): View more from Michigan

my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged

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(248): View more from Michigan

I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.

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