who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
