My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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