so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize