Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
