Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
