This is not my ceiling
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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