I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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