Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
