YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
