I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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