Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
