Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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