I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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