Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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